1. Acknowledge the hurts.

Oftentimes the reasons why things stay with us the longest is because we do not acknowledge the way that they made us feel. For example, I had a few very good friends not even tell me they weren’t going to come to my wedding (these were very good friends, who I wouldn’t even have questioned would come, and I found out through the reply card in the mail – not through a phone call or even a text, and one didn’t even reply). I was so angry. Really angry. And I held on to it for a long time (a year at least – and I know that’s not a long time in the grand scheme of life, but it felt like a long time to me for this particular hurt) But when I looked at the anger, what was really beneath it, was hurt. It made me feel like I wasn’t liked (which of course is a really hard thing to feel, especially when friendships was already something I was sensitive about). It was fear of disconnection (and for someone who’s 3 main core desired feelings includes CONNECTED) this one hurt the most. It’s important to acknowledging the real pain beneath, not the anger which tends to mask the pain.

2. Give them space.

This is really hard to do and super intimidating, but just FEEL the hurt. Just sit with it for awhile. Let it sink in. Let it know that it is valid. We often try to push our feelings away, tell ourselves that we should not feel a certain way, but that just allows those feelings to grow, eat away at us, bring us down. Giving our hurts space, allows us to feel validated and when we feel validated it makes it easier to then move forward and release those feelings and hurts.

3. Communicate your feelings.

I encourage you to talk with the person about it. This can be super scary because you have to be vulnerable and vulnerability is freakin HARD to do a lot of the time (I wanted to write sometimes there, but had to be honest with myself, it’s hard a LOT of the time, not just sometimes). It can be “unsafe” because you don’t know how the person will react to or accept your pain. They may try to argue against it. They may be super defensive. Or they may just absorb it and apologize. They may feel your hurt. No matter if they knew of it or not, this is a big step. And if you cannot talk to the person about it, write them a letter. It doesn’t mean you have to send it (but I encourage you, if you can, do it – and by can I mean, if you know their address or email address), but just get your feelings out on paper (or on the computer, but I do encourage you to write it – there is something special and releasing about expressing yourself on paper).

4. Release it.

Big step. Let it go. Create some sort of ritual where you let it go. Maybe you do some deep breathing around the mantra of let it go or release (this one can be really powerful – I encourage you to continue the deep breathing for as long as you can physically feel it let go from your body, because you WILL feel this). Maybe you write it on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire. Or put it into a balloon and release it into the sky (although I’m so not for littering – so maybe they have biodegradable balloons these days or something that won’t hurt a bird or land in the ocean). Whatever resonates for you, do it. Take the time and do it. Set aside a special time for you to be intentional about your release.

5. Replace it.

Brainstorm what you can do that will be the opposite of how the past hurt made you feel. For example, my earlier example made me feel disconnected. So I made it a point to feel connected. It doesn’t mean I have to feel connected with the person(s) that hurt me, but feel connected with another. Truly connected. This meant reaching out and spending more time with people that I knew DID value me. Choose to spend your time focusing on the feelings that you want to feel rather than sticking with the feelings that you did NOT want to feel. Replace those feelings, counteract those feelings, CHALLENGE those feelings with good ones. That is why I make this the last step, because acknowledging and feeling your feelings is such a crucial step to the releasing process. Often we skip to this step and try to cover up our feelings with good feelings, which only serves to mask the hurt. This has to be the last step, after the acknowledging, feeling, communicating, and releasing.  

Are you ready for BIG CHANGE in your life but unsure of where to start?

I have the perfect thing for you..

Download my FREE CHECKLIST: 10 action-steps to inspire BIG CHANGE and start paving your path to THRIVING.

1. Make a list of 10 desires that you have.

You can either pick a category (health & wellness, mental health & personal development, romance, social life, financial, work/career, spiritual, or any other category you can think of) or you can list 10 desires you have that range through all the categories (in my Deserve to Thrive course I help you get real specific).

2. What feelings are associated with each desire?

Next to each desire, I want you to write a few feelings that are associated with that desire. The feelings you would feel if you had achieved that desire. The feelings you feel when you are in the act of achieving that desire. The feelings you feel when you even think about that desire.

3. Choose 3.

What do you want to feel each day? I want you to take a look at all the feelings that you listed for each of your desires. Do you see any that are repeating? I’m sure you do. Circle them. Circle all the ones that you see more than once. Then put a square around the feelings that you see three times. Then put a star next to the feelings that you see four times. Narrow it down to THREE core feelings that encompass what you want to feel through your desires. These are your core desired feelings as Danielle LaPorte states in her amazing book The Desire Map. Write these feelings down on their own page, or put them on a sticky note and place them somewhere where you will see them every day. The goal is to remind yourself that these are the feelings that you want to infuse into your day, the feelings that you want to end each day in reflection saying that you felt these feelings today, the feelings that will lead you towards your desires.

4. What actions does it take to feel that way each day?

Take a look at each of the feelings and imagine feeling them throughout your day. What actions do you need to take each day so that you feel those feelings? List out 5 actions that you can take (they can be small, no need to make them huge, you want this list to be manageable and doable so that you actually DO it!).

5. Create a plan

Create a plan to take action each day towards these desired feelings and your desires will begin to manifest themselves. Take the list of actions that you made in the last step and place them into the schedule of the day. When can you do them? When can you take those actions throughout your day? Be specific. You want to take these actions. The more specific you are, the higher the probability of you actually doing them. These are the actions that will lead you to your core desired feelings and those feelings will then lead you to your desires.

If you’d like to turn these desires into action-oriented affirmations that will energize you, orient you towards action, and infuse your body and soul with positivity each day, you will love my Create your Perfect Affirmation workbook, where I walk you through the steps to creating an affirmation that you can say daily to get yourself results and move forward in your life.

<Grab your copy here!>

This topic is explored extensively in the third module, Desire, of my upcoming course, Deserve to Thrive. Through targeted questioning, I help you discover your core desires and the feelings associated with those desires, connect them to daily actions that you can take, and create a plan for manifesting those desires through action-oriented, intentional living.

Are you ready to thrive?

Are you feeling stuck? Stagnant? Hindered from moving forward?

Then I have the PERFECT thing for you.

Introducing: My BRAND NEW course, Deserve to Thrive.

It is a 8-week self study course where I take you through the steps to thriving. You will set your intentions, create goals and daily routines, explore what is holding you back and how to overcome your obstacles.

Sound like something you’d love? I thought so.

It’s finally here!

You don’t want to miss it! 

You deserve to thrive. You owe this to yourself.

Are you ready for BIG CHANGE in your life but unsure of where to start?

I have the perfect thing for you..

Download my FREE CHECKLIST: 10 action-steps to inspire BIG CHANGE and start paving your path to THRIVING.

1.  Explore your thrive needs.

Examine what makes you feel GOOD in each area of your life: environment (home, work, car, anywhere you spend time), beauty, relationships, health & wellness, work/career/business, personal development, social, financial, spiritual, etc. This can take some time since there are a lot of different areas of your life and they all interact to create the thriving life that you want. It’s important not to forget any one of the areas that are important to you because habits are what builds that area of your life and moves you closer to thriving.

2.  Describe the habit.

For each area, re-write your statements as habits that you could form. For example, for beauty one of my thrive needs is to get my hair in order (I have pretty wavy/frizzy hair and sometimes it’s just easier to throw it up in a bun, but then it leaves it as a ratty mess and makes me feel super BLAH). I could make a few different habits out of this one. One could be, get my hair cut every couple months. Or take 10 minutes each morning to do something with my hair so I feel like it’s not just thrown together (I could even start with 5 minutes). Or after I wash my hair (I don’t wash my hair every day), I take the few extra minutes after the shower to squeeze out the water and give my hair a little love (usually I am SUPER unmotivated to do this, but it actually makes a really big difference). See what I mean? Take your thrive needs, re-work them into a habit.

3.  Break the habit down into bite-sized chunks.

For example, if you want to go for a walk every day for 1 hour and that is the habit you would like to form, but at the moment you are spending 0 minutes walking, then taking the leap to 1 hour would be a tough one to keep up. So break it down. Start with 15 minutes, even 10 minutes is a great place to start. Help yourself feel successful. Do that for a week or so, and then bump it up. The point of a habit is to make you FEEL GOOD and THRIVE, it’s not to make you feel down on yourself and beat yourself up each day that you do not do it. That would discourage you from starting the habit-building process in the first place.

4.  Create a schedule/plan.

It is easier to keep up with a habit if you create a schedule or a plan surrounding it. For example, I want to stretch every day. But days would go by where I would say, Oh I can do it later, or I’ll do it when my little one goes to bed. And then I would forget. The moment I set in stone my time frame, I’m going to stretch while my daughter eats her breakfast, throw the yoga mat on the floor next to the dining room table, and do my stretches and deep breathing, it made it so much more real, so much more attainable, and it happens way more often than not. Having the time frame be wishy-washy, makes the habit wishy-washy, and it makes it a lot more difficult to actually form the habit. So set a time frame. I didn’t say a super specific time like 8:15. That just sets you up for failure (of course if you have to make it to a certain yoga class each day and it starts at 9am, well you have to be there by 9am, but you know what I mean). Give yourself a time frame. Give yourself a specific time of day. Lately, I decided that I want to have 5 of my habits done before noon. So when noon is getting closer and I haven’t listened to a podcast or stretched or taken my juice plus, I know that I can get those done in my time frame and push myself.

5.  Execute and Track.

Now it’s time to put your plan in motion. Set yourself up for success (do you see a theme here). Make your time frame reasonable. Start with those little chunks and GET MOVING. Track your progress. Even if you didn’t get 10 minutes of stretching in, go for 5. It’s ok to take baby steps. Because even those baby steps are going to feel good. Even if you get 5 minutes in, you’re going to be like, hey, I got 5 minutes of stretching in! That is the positivity I want to build up inside of yourself, because the more wins you have, the stronger your habits will become, and you will be paving your way to thriving one habit at a time!

This is process is explored extensively in the first module, Value, of my upcoming course, Deserve to Thrive. Through targeted questioning, I help you discover your thrive needs in each area of your life, connect them to to daily habits, help you break them down into small manageable chunks (you’re not going to start ALL the habits at once!), and create a plan for you to solidify your habits and pave your path to thriving (examining your obstacles to creating the habits (both past, present, and future) and creating a plan to overcome them).

Are you ready to thrive?

Are you feeling stuck? Stagnant? Hindered from moving forward?

Then I have the PERFECT thing for you.

Introducing: My BRAND NEW course, Deserve to Thrive.

It is a 8-week self study course where I take you through the steps to thriving. You will set your intentions, create goals and daily routines, explore what is holding you back and how to overcome your obstacles.

Sound like something you’d love? I thought so.

It’s finally here!

You don’t want to miss it! 

You deserve to thrive. You owe this to yourself.